Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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