Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
