Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
