STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
