How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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