I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
