its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
