By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
