So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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