There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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