So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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