You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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