i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there's paper in my vomit.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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