Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
