she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
