This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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