we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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