I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
