and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize