I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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