dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
