Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm like, not good at living.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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