Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
