don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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