Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
