I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
