Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
