Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
