dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
