if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
