Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
