Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
