If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They took my balls.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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