well you can't waste a boner
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
