I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
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How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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