I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
