i don't like sucking hair
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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