Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
