sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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