The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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