did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
