I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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