Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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