ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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