I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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