So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
