Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
PANTIES FOUND
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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