You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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