I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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