I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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