there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
