I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize