Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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