you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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