We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
