No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
