Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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