I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
