and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
