babies were throwing up all over the place
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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