when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
