all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
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You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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