Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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