An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
