The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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