Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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