she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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