I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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