dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
