I need help removing her.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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