Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize