last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
how do you play pong handcuffed?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
