I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
