I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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